In the future we'll all be gay
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
