I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Randomize
