I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
