I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
