tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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