Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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