Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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