finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I will pee on everything he values.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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