The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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