If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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