So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
