NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Still dying that you shit outside
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
