I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
My pussy is not your playground.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
