I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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