Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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