totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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