I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
