I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
