Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
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