He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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