i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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