i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
