I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
