guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
