And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Randomize
