Kiss
Puke
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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