My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Randomize
