Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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