today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
