She is in my trunk
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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