i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
