i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
