and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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