i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Why did my mother make you get naked?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
