i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
