Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Randomize
