My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
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