I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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