Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
