"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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