I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
