I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
