If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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