I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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