I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
