Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
