hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
