I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
