Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
