just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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