I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
