I just pynch a tree in the face
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
