If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
